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Talk:Needs Work/@comment-33795290-20190505202123
I put the entire thing through Gizoogle and this is the result: "Posted 4-Oct-2014 11:59PM by JeffsBuddy Wow. Did yo dirty ass even git outta middle school, biatch? If you did, plz tell me where you went so i can go there n' bust a cap up in yo' english mackdaddy n' shit. Posted 4-Oct-2014 12:14AM by MerMarth316 0/10. n' thats bein generous Posted 4-Oct-2014 12:19AM by xMarvinxMartianx 666, pentagrams, geyserz of blood, killa magically appears places... clichepasta is cliche. Oh, n' too top all dat shiznit off, a skeleton. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. A. FUCKING. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SKELETON fo' realz. ACTUALLY.POPS. OUT. Is you retarded, or a troll, biatch? Don't matter, please don't grace our joint wit yo' "writing" no mo'. Can't believe dis aint been deleted yet. Posted 4-Oct-2014 12:28AM by Hetalia214 Okay, I've read some shitty pastas before yo, but dis is one of tha worst. There is virtually no buildup, tha main characta do thangs seemingly at random wit no motivation, tha blood n' gore is cranked up ta 11, n' tha twist endin was so wack dat I had it figured up 2 sentences in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Honestly, dis is mo' funky than it is freaky. I straight-up hope dat dis is supposed ta be a trollpasta. Response ta Hetalia214 Posted 5-Oct-2014 1:26AM by DarkTony12 WHY EVERY TIME I POST A PASTA YOU GYUS SAY ITS SHIT WELL GUESS WHAT I FUCKING QUITE AND YOUR GONNA BE SORRY THIS SITE SUX ANYWAY!1 YOU SAYS I CANT WRITE BUT IM TRYING TO GET BETTER AND u JUST DELETE IT ANYWAYS IM GONE SEE YOU LATER DICKS HEH HEH HEH! SEE YOU IN YOURE NIGHTMARES. Response ta DarkTony12 Posted 5-Oct-2014 9:49AM by MerMarth316 Oh Shiznit, be careful guise biaaatch! DarkTony is gonna git our asses all up in our chill! XD Posted 4-Oct-2014 11:12AM by Hetalia214 Trip off yo' ban, Tony. Locked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! THREAD CLOSED Tony Samson was rather big-ass fo' a funky-ass pimp tha age of thirteen (Well, da thug would be thirteen up in six weeks anyway yo, but dat was close enough!) n' was close ta if not straight-up tha tallest kid up in tha entire sixth grade class fo' realz. At five feet nine n' a half inches, tha pimpin' muthafucka towered over his schoolmates, n' all dem of his cold-ass mackdaddys yo. His build was what tha fuck a polite aunt would call "stocky," however Tony did not gotz a polite aunt. In fact da ruffneck did not know of nuff crew thugz of his cold-ass dat would pass fo' anythang like polite, so instead of bein stocky, Tony was just fat yo. Dude probably hung round 230lbs give or take, makin his ass tha size n' shape of a middle aged man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. His age was only betrayed by his thugged-out lil' pudgy, uncreased grill fo' realz. A grill dat had not yet grown tha fuck into tha massive head it occupied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! With some conditioning, n' hustlin, lil' Tony could done been like tha high school football, or wrestlin star yo, but physical activitizzle was not of much interest ta tha pimp yo. Dude preferred ta spend his cold-ass time readin trashy cappin' novels from GoodWill, n' playin first-thug steez blastin games. These pursuits did not leave much time fo' school study, n' although da thug was not necessarily a smart-ass boy, Tony wasn't dumb either n' shit. Quiet, sometimes ta a gangbangin' fault yo, but not dumb. Sometimes late at night, when attentizzle muthafathas would try ta be shizzle they lil pimps was fast asleep, if there was no pulp cappin' mysteries or horror talez ta read, Anthony would search tha internizzle fo' workz of short fiction ta fill his dome wit nasty images yo. Dude would often visit a cold-ass lil certain internizzle forum where amateur writas could post short horror fiction stories fo' readin n' critique yo. Dude read nuff stories n' creepypastas there which pimped outly pleased him; talez of TV episodes containin hidden imagez of grisly murder, jaunts tha fuck into tha mindz of serial killers, works describin a vizzle game charactas massacrin one another before tha eyez of tha playa, tha list goes on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Tony often found his dirty ass daydreamin bout tha eventz of these stories, doodlin crude corpses on tha coverz of his schoolbooks when tha mackdaddy was explainin something. Inventin scenarios up in his head based on tha exploitz of tha murderous madmen bout whom he read online. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feelin dis shiznit! Envisionin tha pictures dat schmoooove muthafucka had peeped on various gore n' shock joints, n' wonderin how tha fuck tha mangled bodiez of tha photographed had managed ta git theyselves so inside out. Inevitably, Dude fuckin started formin his visionz of dirtnap, n' horror tha fuck into lil skits inside his crazy-ass mindz eye. From there, da thug would scratch dem onto looseleaf paper, hidin dem from any passin adults, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Not dat a adult would be able ta make much sense of tha scrawlings, tha penmanshizzle was awful, n' tha stories had straight-up lil continuity, if any. They was mostly just descriptionz of shiznit n' terror loosely strung together by a cold-ass lil central character n' shit. Afta nuff weekz of doodling, n' freestylin bout folks gettin violently capped, da ruffneck decided dat he might wanna share his cold-ass thoughts wit others fo' realz. As was mentioned, Tony was not a wack boy, n' he knew dat tha one or two playaz (more like acquaintances) dat schmoooove muthafucka had up in dis muthafucka wannaly not appreciate his stories, n' may even tell a mackdaddy bout dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Luckily fo' Tony, he lived up in a age where one can express his dirty ass ta a crew of willing, or unwillin listeners up in tha form of tha internet. Havin only lurked up in tha shadowz of his wild lil' straight-up creepypasta forum, Tony was unsure bout how tha fuck ta post his work. Peepin some trial n' error, he found up how tha fuck ta cook up a gangbangin' forum account, hopin dat there wasn't a way fo' tha joint ballaz ta smoke up dat da thug wasn't yet thirteen muthafuckin years old. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Afta uploadin a picture he found by Gizoogle image searchin "scary" as his thugged-out avatar, da thug was locked n loaded ta post some stories. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! From four PM ta almost eleven thirty PM wit only all dem breaks ta smoke dinner n' use tha toilet, Tony sat nervously transcribin his work. Usin his cold-ass two index fingers ta peck all up in tha keyboard was a strenuous process n' da thug wished that, like tha lil playas up in dis muthafucka wit they iPizzys, his schmoooove ass could make his fuckin lil' digits dizzle across tha keyboard surface quickly n' elegantly. Eventually dat schmoooove muthafucka had gotten three of his stories typed up in three separate windows yo. Dude posted dem all within one minute of each other n' shit. As tha forum pages was published, Anthonyz stomach tightened wit a mix of anxiety, n' pride yo. Dude hoped dat tha forum playas would trip off his stories, n' da thug was fairly certain they would. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Although da thug was still giddy n' excited, Tony was also feelin weary from his fuckin long minutez of thankin n' typing. Dat shiznit was time fo' bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! School tha next dizzle went as usual. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Tony kept wonderin how tha fuck nuff playas had read his creepypasta, n' what tha fuck kindz of props da thug would get. Bein a freshly smoked up user, da thug was shizzle dat there would be some criticism, n' maybe some lyrics given yo, but da thug was certain dat most playas would trip off his cold-ass talez of bloodshed n' fright as much as he enjoyed freestylin dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Steppin from tha mold stained n' dilapidated front stoop tha fuck into tha house, Tony was careful not ta make much noise yo. Dude knew dat his wild lil' daddy didn't like ta be awakened when da thug was napping, especially afta a night of drankin n' shoutin all up in tha televizzle. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So Tony snuck all up in tha livin room tha fuck into his bedroom n' shut tha door yo. Dude booted up his PC, since leavin it on all night was "a fuckin waste of electricity," n' logged onto tha internet. When he gots ta tha forum where dat schmoooove muthafucka had posted his stories, da thug was thrilled ta peep dat two of dem had gotten all dem responses. Da third was strangely not listed, like there was a error when he posted it yo. Dude clicked on tha link leadin ta tha creepypasta he posted first called "Bloody City." There was 4 responses, tha straight-up original gangsta read suttin' along tha linez of "Soooooo nuff spellin errors, run-on sentences, almost no capital letters. Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is 'randy', biatch? Yo ass mention his ass once, n' never rap bout his ass again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This is bad." Tony felt like dat schmoooove muthafucka had been hit up in tha gut wit a funky-ass basebizzle bat yo. Dude knew dat his stories was likely not as phat as tha ones dat he loved ta read, da thug was freshly smoked up at dis afta all yo, but straight-up readin such a scathang review of a rap dat da thug freestyled was a sensation dat schmoooove muthafucka had not anticipated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time yo. Dude had read some pretty brutal propz of pastas on dis forum yo, but readin one on some rap dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had crafted his dirty ass was a shitload different. Scrollin down, tha other comments was similar ta tha first. No-holds-barred critiques from veteran playas wonderin if Tony had eva heard of a spell check, n' spittin some lyrics ta his ass dat dis was a "terribad" pasta fo' realz. Although da thug was ridin' solo up in tha comfort of his home, Tony couldn't help feelin while readin these comments as though da thug was naked, standin upon some kind of gallows yo. His skin was cold n' clammy. Tony clicked tha back button n' went ta check tha comments on tha other rap he posted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time yo. Dude had freestyled dis one afta tha first, so da thug was shizzle dat dat shiznit waz of betta qualitizzle than tha other one. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Scrollin ta tha comments section below dis creepypasta called "Regular Show lost episode 666" induced nuff of tha same emotions as it did tha last time. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some of tha playas commented dat dis was "a blatant ripoff of squidwardz suicide," n' dat tha rap "makes straight-up no fuckin sense," while another wondered how tha fuck oldschool tha lyricist was, estimatin dat tha rap was penned by a nine year old. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! While readin tha comments n' propz of dis creepypasta Tony hustled what tha fuck had happened ta tha third rap dat schmoooove muthafucka had posted; "Da Pentagram Man." It had apparently been deleted minutes afta dat shiznit was posted, bein deemed "not up ta qualitizzle standards." Each of his thugged-out lil' posts had been tagged wit one two word phrase all up in tha bottom of tha page; "Needz Work." Afta awhile, Tony was able ta compose his dirty ass yo. Dude decided dat da thug would try again n' again n' again tonight, even harder than tha last time yo. Dude shuffled all up in a shitload of his notebooks n' chose another two stories ta type up; "Da Executioner" n' "Pokemon Hell Red." Once again, da ruffneck dropped tha next nuff muthafuckin minutes peckin away at his computa keyboard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da time passed quickly, n' within all dem minutes dat schmoooove muthafucka had two mo' stories up n' posted ta tha forum. Da next dizzle afta school, da ruffneck did tha same as tha dizzle before yo. Dude logged onto is straight-up joint ta view all tha comments dat schmoooove muthafucka had gotten on his story, da thug was shizzle ta be congratulated dat tha qualitizzle of his creepypastas had gone up n' dat they was now straight-up good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Again, each of his stories had a seriez of comments, Tony clicked ta view tha comments fo' his Pokemon creepypasta. They was reminiscent of tha comments dat schmoooove muthafucka had gotten tha dizzle before. "Oh fuck, not another one from dis muthafucka." "how original, a game dat talks ta tha playa n' shit. please stop writing!" "I can't believe you posted MORE PASTAS. Did yo dirty ass not git tha message?" "A BLIND, ONE HANDED SHEEP COULD'VE WROTE A LESS CLICHE RIDDLED PIECE OF TRASH" Da comments continued up in dat general vein, n' Tony found dat he although da thug was saddened dat no one was horny bout his stories, da thug was beginnin ta feel mad salty fo' realz. Angry dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had tried ta emulate his wild lil' straight-up stories while puttin his thugged-out lil' underground twist on them, only ta be ridiculed n' done cooked up a gangbangin' figure of funk fo' his wild lil' fuckin efforts yo. Dude decided dat he ought ta git a shitload of his wild lil' frustration out, n' fuckin started replyin ta a shitload of tha comments, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. "WTF THIS STORY IS AT LEAST AS GOOD AS JEFF THE KILLER I WORKED REALL HARD ON THIS. YOU FAGS DONT KNOW A GOOD STORY WHEN U READ IT!" "MAYBE IF I WRIGHT SO BAD ILL JUS KILL MYSELF THEN SEE HOW YOU LIKE THAT" Tony was up in a gangbangin' full fit of rage now, even if dat schmoooove muthafucka had stopped ta realize dat tha opinionz of commentators on a internizzle forum had lil ta no bearin on his fuckin lil' dizzle ta dizzle game, he likely would not have calmed down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Rage breedz rage, n' Tony was cultivatin nuff muthafuckin generations worth of fury while chillin up in from of his crazy-ass monitor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Such emotions can wreak havoc on tha mind of a lil' dude, n' Tony found dat tears was wellin up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes. This realization spurred even pimped outa resentment n' hatred, n' he busted out it up in tha form of a hard right hand punch ta his bedroom wall yo. Dude cracked tha already crumblin plaster, then flopped onto his bed, fightin tears. Afta all dem minutez of moping, Tony calmed down enough ta start thankin rationally again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude made tha decision dat his wild lil' furious wack state would make fo' phat writin yo. Dude sat back at his computa n' started madly typin wit two fingers, dis time makin tha rap up on tha spot yo. Dude freestyled tha rap of a teenager named "Tony tha Slasher" whoz ass hunts down a funky-ass bully n' slices his wild lil' grill off, afta bustin all sortz of other unsavory thangs ta tha bully n' his crew yo. Dude tried ta include as much detail as his schmoooove ass could, dat would please tha forum users. When tha clock was bout ta strike midnight, Tony had finished his crazy-ass mad freestylin spree n' was gigglin ta his dirty ass as his schmoooove ass copied tha text tha fuck into a freshly smoked up forum topic page yo. Dude signed his work n' published tha page wit a toothy grin on his wild lil' face. This time tha work had not exhausted him, n' da thug was up in no vibe ta chill. Tony stayed awake, refreshin tha webpage every last muthafuckin minute or so, waitin fo' his freshly smoked up rap "Blood Soaked Payback" ta receive comments, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Bout ten page refreshes later, there was a freshly smoked up comment on tha rap fo' realz. Afta readin tha comment nuff times over yo, but before responding, Tony refreshed tha page ta peep another comment yo. Dude decided ta peep if any mo' comments would come up in before typin up his bangin responses. Eventually tha comments stopped comin in, n' Tony typed up as scathang a response as his schmoooove ass could be thinkin of, suttin' threatenin dat would command they respect, all up in capital lettas ta emphasize his wild lil' fuckin emotion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Before postin his bangin retort, he noticed another addizzle all up in tha bottom of tha page; "Needz Work." For tha next nuff muthafuckin days, Tony did not visit his wild lil' straight-up Creepypasta forum yo. Dude didn't be thinkin dat schmoooove muthafucka had tha nerve fo' it, n' was afraid of gettin as mad salty again n' again n' again as dat schmoooove muthafucka had before. But up in tha back of his crazy-ass mind a tiny pilot light was burning, waitin fo' tha main ta ignite it tha fuck into blazin glory. Afta awhile, Tony started hittin' up other Creepypasta forums, not postin any stories, just readin yo. Dude witnessed a exchange of comments which intrigued his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. A user was spammin links ta another forum, n' was subsequently banned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da moderator also posted suttin' on tha banned userz page statin "Oh, n' I banned yo' other 6 accounts like a muthafucka. Try a gangbangin' finger-lickin' different IP next time." This seemingly inconsequential bit of text gots Tony thinking. Dude did some research on IP addresses, n' found up a lil bit bout them, how tha fuck they can sometimes lead ta findin up tha actual place of origin of a cold-ass lil connection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Through a lil digging, da thug was able ta downlizzle all dem cracked applications dat could trace a IP fairly accurately, as long as it wasn't bein used remotely fo' realz. As was mentioned before, tha pimp was not fuckin wack yo. Dude realized dat if da thug was a gangbangin' forum moderator, his schmoooove ass could smoke up where tha playas whoz ass was such assholez ta his ass lived... then his schmoooove ass could scare dem good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! But dat was just a gangbangin' fantasy, he knew dat if his schmoooove ass couldn't even write a rap dat playas liked, he'd never be a moderator on tha forum. Eventually, afta some time away, Tony moonwalked back ta tha forum where dat schmoooove muthafucka had posted his work. Well shiiiit, it was, afta all, his wild lil' straight-up place ta read creepypastas. When he loaded up tha main page, da perved-out muthafucka saw a thread titled "Worst Pastaz of All Time." without much thought, his schmoooove ass clicked tha link, n' was brought ta a list of ten or so pasta titlez wit short descriptions yo. Dude was somewhat shocked ta peep dat 3 of tha stories dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had freestyled his dirty ass made up dis list. Pokemon Hell Red was #8, Da Pentagram Man was #5, n' at number one was none other than Blood Soaked Payback. Da post read as bigs up; Posted 18-Oct-2014 4:28PM by MerMarth316 "Blood Soaked Payback is what tha fuck happens when a 10 year oldschool primary school dropout gets a funky-ass butthurt level over 9,000 n' decides ta vent his bangin rage all up in tha only playas willin ta tell his ass tha facts bout his thugged-out lil' piss skanky writing. This is tha one I holla'd could be trumped by a one handed sheep, if you gonna remember n' shit. I still can't tell if tha lyricist be a grade-A troll, or a funky-ass basement dwelling, CoD playin pre-teen playa. For tha purposez of dis list, I chizzle tha latter n' shit. If inane gore laced wit shitty n' (unintentionally) hilarious dialogue combined wit myriad grammar/spellin mistakes n' a deal dat bordaz on unintelligible soundz like suttin' you'd be into, dis one be a must read. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Extra bonus points fo' includin a supa sp00ky skurrleton.. yo. Holy shit." Tony read dis all wit gritted teeth fo' realz. All dat schmoooove muthafucka had eva wanted ta do was share a shitload of his cold-ass thoughts n' scams wit like minded creepypasta readaz fo' realz. All da thug wanted was ta be holla'd at dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had freestyled suttin' good, or freaky. What could these playas possibly want from him, biatch? Dude poured minutez of his cold-ass time n' juice tha fuck into freestylin all dem horror fiction stories like tha ones he loved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Maybe tha spellin n' grammar weren't slick yo, but dem aren't tha point. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Spellin mistakes n' run-on sentences, missin capitals n' lack of punctuation is thangs dat a reader ought ta be able ta look past. Maybe tha detailz of tha rap weren't entirely clear, like some thangs is skipped or glossed over yo, but tha ass of tha rap still comes through! Somethang inside tha lil' pimp chizzled, some kind of switch was thrown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Well shiiiit, it took all of his strength yo, but Tony kept his dirty ass from signin up in n' replyin ta tha post. Instead, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass fuckin started thankin bout what tha fuck his schmoooove ass could straight-up do. This MerMarth316 user had cut his ass deeply, n' Tony wanted ta return tha favor yo. Dude started thankin bout IP addresses, n' trackin shiznit. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Well shiiiit, it couldn't be dat hard ta get, could it, biatch? Tony navigated tha forum ta find a listin of all current Administrators n' Moderators. There was bout two dozen actizzle n' maybe half again n' again n' again dat whoz ass had not logged on up in months. If his schmoooove ass could somehow hack tha fuck into tha flava of one of dem dead admin pages, da thug was shizzle his schmoooove ass could git tha IP address da thug was afta n' shit. Peepin some searches, n' some readin bout forum constants da thug was able ta find a simple program which would crack a alphanumeric password given enough time. Despite his bangin rage, Tony was all gravy wit waitin a lil bit fo' all dis bullshit. For tha next few nights, Dude set up his serial crackin algorithm app ta try passwordz fo' all dem hours yo. Dude left tha computa on wit tha monitor shut off, da ruffneck didn't care bout wastin tha fuckin electricity. One morning, afta brushin his cold-ass teeth, Tony checked tha computer, like he now did every last muthafuckin mornin yo. Dude found dat tha screen was different, n' dat da thug was lookin all up in tha front page of tha creepypasta forum yo, but it didn't look tha way he remembered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude saw dat up in tha corner of tha page was a avatar dat wasn't his, n' there was nuff muthafuckin buttons along tha top of tha page readin thangs like "Ban User," "Delete Thread," "Report User," n' also one which read "IP Check." Dude grinned n' clapped his handz over his crazy-ass minty grill. Throughout school, his schmoooove ass could barely pay attention ta anythang dat tha mackdaddys was sayin yo. Dude didn't straight-up listen all dat well anyway yo, but todizzle dis was even mo' true. Most of tha dizzle was dropped drawin bloody stickmen on tha marginz of his notebook, clappin it shut whenever a hustla of adult was up in viewin distance. Eventually, tha long school dizzle was over n' shit. Tony stepped off tha bus n' jogged his big-ass frame tha fuck into tha crib. In accordizzle wit tradition, daddy was on tha blunt-burn laden sofa, snoozin off another hangover, or coke binge. Tony raced ta his bedroom n' flicked his crazy-ass monitor on, dat shiznit was time ta do some work. Da administrator dat tha serial cracker had been able ta log up in as was named s0ggy_le_biscuit. Were Tony all dem muthafuckin years olda n' knew what tha fuck tha reference meant, da thug would probably done been either amused or disgusted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time fo' realz. As it was, da thug was twelve, n' tha name meant not a god damn thang ta his ass except a opportunitizzle fo' revenge. Dude quickly clicked tha IP check tab without thankin bout it too much yo. Dude selected tha user MerMarth316 n' was prompted ta enta a reason fo' tha IP check. This was not anticipated yo, but Tony decided ta just enta "Possible alternate accounts," as it seemed feasible. Without much shit, he obtained a eleven digit number, then name n' location entered by tha user MerMarth316 (Devon T. Pennsylvania, US fo' realz. Also where Tonyz olda brutha happened ta live) n' a place ta start. Tony did some Gizoogle searches, n' bounced round on some forums peepin' how tha fuck ta read tha thang, n' what tha fuck it meant. Well shiiiit, it turned up dat tha address likely did lead back ta Pennsylvania, up in tha pimped outa Scranton area fo' realz. Afta some mo' fishing, havin found some other profilez dat rocked up ta belong ta tha same user, Tony found tha Facebizzle page of one 27 year oldschool Devon Tay-Tay livin up in Jessup, Pennsylvania. Lookin at some picturez of Devon AKA "MerMarth316" he done cooked up a menstrual note of any details his schmoooove ass could find. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Makes n' modelz of rides up in tha photos, if there was mailboxes, or houses up in them, thangs like dis shit. One picture had a straight-up spittin some lyrics ta comment. Dat shiznit was a picture of Mista Muthafuckin MerMarth316 lookin glassy eyed at a funky-ass bar, tha caption read "Gotta ludd havin yo' straight-up pub two doors down! #LuckySOB" Da mirror over tha bar up in tha background read "Da Side Bar." This was dat shit. Tony was shizzle dat dis was tha key yo. Dude quickly Googled "Da Side Bar Jessup PA" n' found tha bar fo' realz. Afta a cold-ass lil check on Gizoogle Earth, tha last nail up in tha coffin was pounded, a white Jeep Cherokee bout two doors down from tha bar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da same hoopty dat Devon Tay-Tay had taken Facebizzle selfies in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Tony gathered his notes n' grabbed tha telephone yo. Dude called his brutha Jeremy whoz ass lived up in Scranton, 30 milez away, prayin dat da thug would pick up yo. Dude did, n' Tony holla'd at his ass dat they daddy was havin some playas over, n' dat tha pimpin' muthafucka thought a gangbangin' fight might be bout ta break out. Jeremy let up a gangbangin' finger-lickin' disgusted soundin sigh, n' holla'd dat da thug would pick his ass up afta he gots outta work up in a hour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Tony holla'd dat was fine. Afta hangin up tha phone, n' leavin a note fo' his wild lil' daddy "Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! went ta jerrys. back sometime. Tony," da perved-out muthafucka sat on tha front stoop, straight-up content ta wait tha few minutes ta be picked up by his brutha n' shit. When dat time came, Tony jogged over ta tha hoopty before it had stopped movin n' quickly hopped up in as soon as dat shiznit was unlocked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "It aint nuthin but all gravy now," fuckin started Tony, "but they might start jumpin off bout some shiznit again." Jeremy assured his ass dat dat shiznit was all gravy fo' his ass ta stay at his fuckin lil' doggy den fo' tha night. This was not necessarily a odd occurrence. A few minutes afta they was home, Jeremy holla'd dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had ta chill up in tha doggy basket since da thug was on a split shift. Tony holla'd dat da thug would chill like a pimp like a muthafucka yo. Dude waited a half minute or so ta make shizzle dat Jeremy was sound asleep, then gots off tha couch, took his brotherz keys off tha wall peg, n' slipped up tha front door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since Tony was so big-ass fo' his thugged-out age, Jeremy had let his ass drive his hoopty all dem times ta "get tha feel fo' dat shit." Tony wasn't a expert driver yo, but da thug was pretty shizzle his schmoooove ass could git across tha hood without much of a problem. Gas on tha right, brake on tha left, signals, wipers, lights, bada-bing. In a matta of 25 minutes, Tony was up in his brotherz car, idlin outside tha doggy den 2 doors down from Da Side Bar wit tha Jeep Cherokee parked outside. Dat shiznit was time ta do what tha fuck da perved-out muthafucka set up to. Dat shiznit was a single crew unit, so Tony was shizzle da thug would git tha right muthafucka yo. Dude rang tha doorbell n' stood up in tha ochre glow of tha sodium-lamp lit streetlight. Devon Taylor, MerMarth316 answered tha door n' looked somewhat bewildered as tha pimpin' muthafucka took up in tha sight before his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. A thug his height, outweighin his ass by at least 30 poundz yo, but wit tha soft grill of a cold-ass lil child, a gangbangin' grill wit a gangbangin' furrowed brow, pouty bottom lip, n' a tear twinklin up in its right eye. "Um, whoz ass is yo slick ass, biatch? Can I help you," axed Devon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "I'm, I... Yo ass don't give a fuck me yo, but... I wrote, I wrote..." Stammered tha boy. "Listen, I don't give a fuck you, n' whatever it is, I don't want any." Dude made ta shut tha door yo, but Tony stopped his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude could peep a cold-ass lil computa monitor up in tha livin room of tha house. "Yo dawwwwg! Listen!" Snapped Tony. "Listen!" "Listen, biatch? Listen ta what, biatch? Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is you, Navi?" Devon smirked at his own wack joke. "I be a funky-ass busy playa so-- *ack*" Dude was cut off by a gangbangin' forearm ta his cold-ass throat. Tony pushed tha playa twice his thugged-out age tha fuck into tha doggy den n' slammed tha door behind his muthafuckin ass. "I be DarkTony12!" Tony holla'd, seething. "And you is... you a asshole!" Dat shiznit was tha last time dat schmoooove muthafucka had holla'd dis word aloud. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude had heard it nuff times, n' holla'd it inside his dome n' up in writin yo, but vocalizin it had a empowerin effect. "Dark what, biatch? Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass, biatch? Git tha fuck outta mah house, you lunatic!" Devon had been knocked over when da thug was pushed tha fuck into tha house, n' was strugglin ta regain his wild lil' footing. "Yo ass don't even know, biatch? Yo ass don't even remember, biatch? Yo ass holla'd I freestyled da most thugged-out shitty creepypasta ever!" Tears was wellin up in Tonyz eyes now yo, but not tearz of sadnizz or pain yo, but of searing, burnin anger n' shit. There rocked up ta be a spark of realization of tha grill of MerMarth316 now, nahmeean, biatch? "DarkTony12, biatch? Yo ass don't..." suddenly, Devon smiled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo ass don't mean dat troll from tha Creepypasta forums muthafucka! Oh man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Kid whoz ass put you up ta this?" Dude was chucklin now, nahmeean, biatch? "Was it Kyle, biatch? That fucker playa! You--" da thug was cut off again yo, but dis time a lil' bit less comfortably. Tony had kicked his ass as hard as his schmoooove ass could between tha legs. "You... Yo ass playaaaaaa!" Shouted Tony, up in reality, da ruffneck didn't give a fuck exactly what tha fuck tha word meant, only dat dat shiznit was pretty much tha only thang his wild lil' daddy holla'd n' holla'd at never ta repeat. "I put a ton of work tha fuck into dem stories muthafucka! They was straight-up good!" Dude kicked tha playa up in tha face, leavin a funky-ass boot shaped mark on his cheek. Devon was unable ta block tha attack, his handz planted on his wild lil' freakadelic groin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "That was... dat was just a wack fuckin internizzle post, you fuckin psychopath! Git tha fuck... outta mah house!" Mermarth316 now also had tears up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes. "Leave me tha fuck alone biaaatch! How tha fuck did you ev--" da thug was cut off from finishin by another boot ta tha face. "Shut up! Shut up!" "Git away... git away from mah dirty ass... just bounce back ta tha doggy den n' write mo' shitty creepyp..." Devon realized what tha fuck da thug was sayin a lil' bit too late, n' was pounced upon by tha big-ass boy. Tony was clubbin away wit his crazy-ass meaty fists, adolescent bones still springy enough not ta risk a funky-ass break. "Yo ass Motherfucker playa! Could a one handed sheep beat tha piss outta you like this, biatch? Huh?" Tony emphasized each word of his sentence by poundin Devonz grill fo' realz. Afta dat schmoooove muthafucka had run outta breath, he looked up from tha grill of tha playa whoz ass had caused his ass such pain, a gangbangin' grill dat was almost unrecognizable when compared ta how tha fuck it had looked 10 minutes earlier n' shit. Well shiiiit, it now resembled mo' or less a pair of steaks wit eyes n' teeth upon which a jar of strawberry syrup had blew up like a muthafucka fo' realz. As Tony looked up, his wild lil' fuckin eyes kicked it wit tha webcam perched above Devonz flat panel monitor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. For tha last time since meetin his thugged-out antagonist grill ta face, Tony was now smilin again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dude dismounted tha bloodied n' sobbin would-be critic, n' strutted ta tha computer n' shiznit yo. Dude checked n' saw dat there was nuff muthafuckin internizzle tabs open, one of dem was tha creepypasta forum which had started all dis shiznit yo. Dude started gigglin ta his dirty ass, n' clicked ta Devonz flava page, dat schmoooove muthafucka hovered tha cursor over tha tab marked "share" n' when tha drop down menu rocked up, da perved-out muthafucka scrolled n' clicked tha "stream" button. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Stream Started (aux record upload enabled) Tony squared his dirty ass up in tha monitor n' fuckin started addressin tha forum at large. "Yo there Creepypasta readers, dis is DarkTony12 broadcastin from tha home of regular user, n' dickhead critic MerMarth316," started Tony, "Dude had a shitload ta say bout mah pastas; da perved-out muthafucka holla'd dat they was too gory, n' didn't make any sense... compared mah crazy ass ta a funky-ass barn animal." At dis point tha big-ass 12 year oldschool turned round n' grabbed Devon, liftin his ass tha fuck into view of tha webcam by his hair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Say wassup MerMarth... Devon Taylor." Devon could only musta a weak "hhnngg..." "Not such a funky-ass big-ass grill now huh?" Lookin all up in tha monitor, Tony saw dat da thug was garnerin some attention. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. There was all dem lyrics appearin up in tha chat window. "Dude, wtf, biatch? xD" "Mer, I didn't give a fuck you was streamin todizzle?" "Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is dis goon?" "What tha fuck happened ta Mer?!" '"Srsly what tha fuck is goin on here?" "..." "SHould we git a mod or..." "You'll know soon," Tony replied ta tha chat. "Every Muthafucka remember a rap called Blood Soaked Payback?" da thug waited fo' chat replies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! "... no" "That shitpasta from all dem weeks ago?" "Yeah dat was fuckin awful" Tony looked away before his schmoooove ass could read mo' n' mo' n' mo'. "Yeah, dat shiznit was dat one biaaatch! Y'all thought dat shiznit was awful, n' too violent... well, is dis too violent fo' yo slick ass?" Tony held Devonz head up ta tha camera. "Is dis too bloody?" da perved-out muthafucka smashed his wild lil' fist tha fuck into MerMarthz face. "Huh, is this?" Another punch. Tony threw Devonz grill onto tha keyboard n' strutted off up in disgust yo. Dude looked ta his bangin right n' saw a lil' small-ass kitchenette yo. Dude decided ta strutt in, started rippin drawers out, n' found a cold-ass lil cache of knives yo. Dude grabbed all dem n' strutted back ta tha computer n' shiznit yo. Dude looked all up in tha screen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Seriously, dis aint funky." "Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is dat muthafucka?" "Do mah playas know where Marth lives irl?" "Dude, tha fuck?" Tony felt empowered by tha frightened lyrics yo. Dude lifted a big-ass serrated knife ta tha camera, n' grinned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude held Devonz grill level wit tha webcam, n' brought tha blade ta tha side of tha victimz grill yo. Dude slowly fuckin started slicin tha fuck into Devon, from forehead, ta temple ta chin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Thick blood oozed from tha tiny pink slit hustlin down tha side of MerMarth316z face. "Oh, how tha fuck is dis fo' pointless gore?" Dude bashed his victimz grill tha fuck into tha keyboard again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Is dis too fuckin unoriginal, biatch? Do dis need work?" Dude looked all up in tha chat window on tha blood splattered monitor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Okay, enough internizzle fo' one day." "This is fuckin sick" "Whoever set dis up is some kind of sfx master.. I hope." "sick shit" "who is that?" "Mo' pointless blood n' guts!" Shouted Tony yo. Dude sliced across Devonz forehead again, dis time jimmyin tha blade down between tha skull n' tha exposed skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude continued dis until a big-ass portion of skull was showing. "Oooh, is dis too cliche, biatch? A spooky skeleton?" Tony jabbed tha end of tha knife tha fuck into Devonz right eye n' jiggled it, causin blood n' ichor ta dribble from tha socket. "Look here, blood hommie! Cryin blood from tha eyesockets muthafucka! Is dat too fuckin cliche fo' you assholes?" Tony was beginnin ta cry again n' again n' again now yo. Dude looked all up in tha chat window once mo' n' mo' n' mo'. "I be out" "This is either straight-up fuckin cool, or straight-up fucked up" "I opt fo' tha latter" "sick..." "yeah, I aint watchin dis no mo'" Tony closed tha livestream, let Devonz convulsive body fall ta tha sticky carpet. Da big-ass pimp looked all up in tha mess of black-crimson surroundin him, coolin on his hands, n' fell tha fuck ta his knees fo' realz. Afta nuff muthafuckin minutes, he found a cold-ass lil cell beeper up in Devonz pocket n' dialed 911 yo. Dude gave tha dispatcher his fuckin location, n' hung up, despite they desire fo' his ass ta stay on tha line. By tha time flashin blue n' red lights rocked up outside, Tony had stopped crying, n' had even tried ta slide tha skin back onto his victimz face. When five-o finally entered tha residence, Tony was pondering, deep up in thought... "I wonder if you allowed ta bust a cold-ass lil computa on lockdown..." Written by: Urkel Authorz Note: I'd like ta acknowledge dat tha "One Handed Sheep" comment was originally posted by SOG Wiki user Incorrect3"